Dear Master Z,

In a few days time, you are starting FS1 at a British School, at the age of 4 years and 4 months. It’s the first time you are attending a school, not having gone to nursery, summer camp or any kind of playschool before that. It’s the first time you will be away for so many hours without being under the care of your parents or other family members. It’s the first time you will be away from me. And I’m not ready.

You are my baby. My first born. The child that made me the mother I am today. You gave me the utmost feeling of pride as you grew in my tummy, cried your way out, slept as I nursed you, walked your first steps and spoke your first words. How could I ever be ready to let go of some of the responsibilities I have over you?

We have gone through the exciting motions of picking out school bags (You’ve obviously gone with Lightning McQueen!) and new pair of school shoes too. We have chosen your dinosaur themed school labels to stick on all your possessions, including the iron ons for your uniform. We have spoken at great length about what exciting things you will get up to at school and all the new friends you will make. But I’m not ready.

For 4 years, you have been my sidekick. Going with me wherever I go. For 4 years, I have been by your side, feeding you, bathing you, playing with you. For 4 years, your eyes have looked for me, for reassurance, when presented with a strange new environment, and I have always been there to return your look with one of confidence and affirmation. And now, I must hold myself back as you venture into the world without me. Am I ready for that?

We have started a whole new routine, to prepare you for the school days to come. We have discussed how to ask your teacher if you want to use the toilet. We have chosen your lunchboxes and you love the little square shaped and dinosaur cutters that Mummy has got for you, to make school lunch more fun. Your father and I have prepared you and built you up with excitement for the world you will soon be embarking on. But I’m still not ready.

I am not ready. I will never be ready to let you go. But my darling, I know that you are. You ARE ready to step out in the world without your Mummy by your side. You ARE ready to make new friendships that may last a lifetime. You ARE ready to learn all the secrets and ways of the world. You ARE ready to face negativity as and when it comes. You ARE ready to give a much needed helping hand to those that deserve it. You ARE ready to learn to question what you are told and to make the best decision based on what you already know.

You ARE ready for the world outside of our own. The world where you have been the centre of my universe for 4 years and 4 months, and will remain so for the rest of eternity. I may not be ready, but I know that you are, and that is what gives me the confidence, on the first day of FS1, to let go out of your tiny hands that I have held on to for so long.

You are ready, my baby boy.